In my past two blog posts, I have explored the connections between creativity and failure. In the first blog post, we examined how creative failures can contribute to creative successes. In the second, I used my own experience during COVID-19 to discuss how systemic failure can impact creativity.
Throughout my writing of this series, I have been thinking about how I view my own work.
My written work begins in elementary school and continues to today. Many of the words that I have written are captured in a series of journals that lives in my closet. These journals could be perceived as artistic failures, but they are personal successes; within their pages, I found a way to express my emotions without causing harm to myself or others. Yes, the writing is cloying, imperfect, and amateurish, but the goal of personal expression is not perfection. My academic writing has improved steadily, and, in terms of written quality, includes many successes. However, many of my essays come from an atmosphere of personal failure; I wrote them after waiting too long to start, not preparing my notes ahead of time, and getting an insufficient amount of sleep. It's hard for me to be proud of essays that were written in a moment of misery.
My time in ceramics, which I detailed in the first blog post of this series, was cut short by COVID-19. I didn't have the opportunity to experience the artistic growth that would have sprung from my failures. Still, my experience in ceramics was a personal success. I was able to use this class to help relax my fear of failure and enjoy creating.
I have only been painting for about two months. At the time of writing, my sketchbook has remained virtually untouched for about two weeks. I tell myself that I am primarily painting for the personal growth that comes from failure. Sometimes, I imagine that maybe someday I will produce something remarkable. Yet, for now, I hope only to allow myself to fail within the confines of my sketchbook. I may have a sketchbook of artistic failures, but those artistic failures are successfully completed paintings!
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| The first painting that I did in my sketchbook, following this video on YouTube. |
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| I drew and painted this flower pattern while waiting for news about Soka's COVID-19 response. |
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| My sketchbook features many patterns like this one. I find it soothing to draw and paint the patterns. |
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| A somewhat improved landscape painting. |
When I chose this topic, I hoped to emerge with a lofty conclusion about how failure contributed to or prevented failure. Now that I have examined this topic, I have come to the conclusion that the relationship between creativity and failure isn't exactly the point. If we approach artistic endeavors with the belief that failure is the worst possible outcome, we will quickly become discouraged. We will try to adjust a painting, smudge it, and give up entirely. We will create a simple piece of art to distract ourselves during a challenging time, feel silly, and decide that we have nothing to contribute. Instead, we should redefine failure for ourselves. Failure is never creating in the first place. Failure can be giving up, but it can also be allowing ourselves to create to the point of burnout. Failure is denying ourselves permission to be creative in the first place.
Best wishes,
Lydia
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