A Living Nightmare

On Tuesday, Soka announced that classes would be canceled for the rest of the week, and, when we returned from spring break, our classes would be entirely online to limit the spread of COVID-19.

I called my mom, and asked if my parents wanted me back home.

Yesterday, the Performing Arts Center announced that the Performing Arts Center was canceling or postponing all productions for the rest of the season. This decision ended Soka's production of Heathers, which I have been working tirelessly on as a stage manager, Theatre Arts Club treasurer, and one of three codirectors, and effectively ended my job as a stage technician.

Without any reason to stay on campus, I called my mom again, and we planned for me to be picked up early Saturday afternoon.

Today, our university president announced that all students need to move out by March 27th. In effect, my senior year has come to an abrupt end.

I called my dad and explained that, instead of leaving for a few weeks, I would be moving out entirely tomorrow.

I am worried for the students who cannot go home, for the students who don't want to go home because it would put their visa at risk, for the students whose mental health will be hurt by returning home, and for the students who don't have anywhere to go. Everything seems awful and dystopian. We are in the worst possible timeline.

I feel grateful for all of the amazing students, staff, and faculty who have made my university experience possible. While I'm trying to approach this situation with gratitude, it has been really challenging. I was already stressed about packing up and saying goodbye to my friends in May, and now I am rushing to do all of these things within the next 24 hours.

A week ago, my life felt too full. I was busy and anxious, trying to balance school and Capstone and the musical and my job and sketch comedy club. Now, everything feels quiet and empty. I don't know what happens next, I don't know what my next steps are, I don't know how I'll recover from the emotional turmoil of having to leave so suddenly. I feel like I'm plummeting towards a mental breakdown with nothing to stop the brakes.

On the bright side, I got an interview for one of the positions I applied to, and the application deadline has been extended for another position. I hope that, someday, all of this will be a story that I tell at parties.

If you're a Soka student, please say goodbye to me, and stay in touch! I hope to write some more cheerful blog posts in the future, once I have packed up and returned home.